Towards the end of the year....

Well, a lot has happened since my last entry. sad, happy and everything else mulled together. recently i read through all the entries that i have here in this blog and remembered on all the things that has happened in the year 2007. not bad but it can be better obviously. but shukran ya allah, for the blessings and for giving me this life.

i went back to Ktn for eid aidiladha as well as the christmas hols. one week of absolute leisure and eating frenzy thanks to my mom's cooking ;-)

somehow, deep within all the fun and excitement that i had in the arms of my family, i cant help but think that at the same time, that raya/eid celebrations for me and my family as well as some significant others which are in the same boat as i am can actually seems to aggravate the existing pain of not having the love ones with you to celebrate these few significant days which we have in a year. rayas, birthday, new year, fathers day, mothers days, family days, etc. love ones who have migrated, away for some reasons or another or has left us to be with the mighty God.

i dont know, somehow at this moment of time, it really hurts not to have someone that you love close to you. i guess its really painful not to have that for like 16 years now and more years to come.

i know sumtimes people can be selfish and i was kindly reminded that things happened for a reasons as well. i know that there are times when we think things are okay but indeed they are not.

i wish some people would think that love to their parents would be an enough reason to be close to them. true, there are many ways to show our parents of how much we love them. but i know for a fact that money really cannot buy a love between parents and their kids. the love that the parents have for their kids are priceless and without conditions. i believe that. i believe in that idea.

i think my world would collapse if i loose either my mom or my dad. i pray that that day would never have to come.

true we have our own lives to lead. true we have our own decision to make. but do we before any decision is made, ever try to think the effect that its gonna have to our parents? separation is hard. maybe its okay if its for a shortwhile. but it is a heartache when the separations has lasted for awhile.

i am trying to make things the best that i can. i am trying to fill in the gap that was vacated for 16 years. i wish i could do better. i really do as seeing sadness in my parents eyes kills me each time when the eid comes. i wish that would be enough for my parents for now.

i guess what we can learn from this is that there are things that we cannot change though we pray and cried so hard for it to change for the better. and also it is best to cherish the moments that we have spending time with the loves one as we never know when that moment may not come as often as we want it to be or it may leave us sooner than we think.